I was working with another guard, Lydia. A woman in the deep end pointed out something at the bottom of the pool. "It looks like a PowerBar!" she said. I was up on my guard stand across the pool, so I couldn't see the object in question, but the whole PowerBar thing sounded promising. As Lydia stood on the side of the pool with a net on a comically long pole, I thought about poops past...
See, for a lifeguard, poop in the pool is a godsend. It means that we get to kick everyone out of the pool area, lock all the doors, and close down for at least a half hour. If the poop is of a weak composition and falls apart, we could close for hours at a time. Bonus! Puke is really the best, though, because it's gloppy by nature.
Before my official Blogger dayz, I was a snotnose high-schooler with a Xanga. Yeahh, remember Xanga? Don't pretend you didn't have one. Anyway, I would chronicle episodes of fecal contamination on my Xanga for the enjoyment of my readers (by readers I mean 5 friends whom I could have just told the story anyway).
Here's what I said about what I called POOP IN DA POOL '07:
I had to craft a long scrubby-brush out of a brush, a pole, and duct tape. Soooo much poop, it was hilarious
Here's what I said about POOP IN DA POOL '06:
Explosive diarrhea ALLLLLL over the stairs to the slide, and yuck I had to walk in it barefoot! It was absolutely fabulous, I just love when I witness a volcanic eruption of shit come from a grown man's swim trunks YEAHH
LAWLZ!
Yes, I love a good poop incident. The fun, the spontaneity, the mystery - who left the poop? was it a child or an old person? - it's all so exciting. And I know that pretty much no one else gets so excited when someone just takes a shit at their workplace. But lifeguarding isn't like other jobs, I suppose.
Oh, and that PowerBar-looking thing in the deep end last night?
It was just 10 Band-Aids all clumped together. What a disappointment.
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